Is Listening a Lost Art

By Ed Maier, Former Andersen Partner

What do you think?

As I listen to radio shows or podcasts or as I watch television shows, I wonder. As I participate in some group and individual discussions, I wonder. Have we lost the ability to listen? No matter the discussion--political, medical, sociological or even sports or entertainment--we cannot seem to listen without raising our voices, sometimes to a point of frustration and anger, just to overpower the other.

I think each of us could listen better--including myself. Listening well is important to understand the point of view of another person. If I attempt to formulate my response while another person speaks to me, I am not listening.

I cannot change the habits of those with whom I interact or communicate. I can only hone my own skills. I can practice to become a better listener. And as I become a better listener, hopefully, I will model behavior that others will adopt.

Here are some thoughts on techniques I have learned to improve my own listening habits. I hope they are helpful to you.

I will remember the words of one of my heroes. Winston Churchill once said: "Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.” First, I will remember to listen. Then I will speak.

I will let others complete their sentences and thoughts. I will not interrupt. I will not quickly respond to the question of another by cutting them off in half-sentence.

I will not respond sharply in a manner that says “I am not really interested in your question” or “Let’s move on to the next item of importance to me”. Instead, I will thoughtfully and completely listen to their point of view.

Alfred Brendel, Austrian pianist, poet and author, is quoted to have said: “The word ‘listen’ contains the same letters as the word ‘silent’’. I will do my best to remember those words.

Many of our communications today are done via email, texting and other social media. These tools, effective as they can be, often do not provide context, which is so important to understanding the point of view of another. I will try to use them to communicate fact-based information accurately and avoid assumptions, judgments and hyperbole. I will provide context in my verbal communication.

I will strive to communicate person-to-person, or face-to-face, as much as possible.

I will recognize that body language is a key element of communication. I will practice body language that tells the other person that I am actively listening to them. I will not slouch, or slump, or stand in a manner that telegraphs that what the other person says is not really that important to me.

I will remember that my eyes are an important part of any conversation. How I use them will also signal my level of interest and attention. I will focus on the person who is speaking. I will not look around the room, or at the landscape out the window or sweep the floor with my eyes.

I will not look at their feet or their hands; I will look at them. Similarly, I will not engage in facial expressions, such as “eye-rolling”, which implies that I do not believe what the other person is saying.

I will remember that there are other non-verbal habits that indicate I am not really listening or paying attention to the other person. For example, I will not squirm around in my chair as though I am uncomfortable with what is being said. I will also control the volume and speed of my voice so as not to create the impression that I intend to “bowl over” the other. I will not keep looking at my watch or phone and indicate I am not interested or “too busy” for their point of view.

In addition to my own habits, I will pay attention to those of the other person. I will be alert to recognize if I am making the other person feel uncomfortable; I will watch for signals that they might consider the conversation to be over.

I will practice other techniques as repeating, reflecting or reframing. Each of these are useful to help emphasize to the other speaker that I understand the points that they are trying to present.

I will minimize distractions and interruptions during the conversation. If one occurs, I will reiterate the most recent part of the discussion to make sure nothing has been lost. While distractions or interruptions occur in face-to-face conversations, they often come up more frequently in telephone conversations. I will conduct my telephone conversations without engaging in other tasks, such as email, texting, etc. If a distraction or interruption occurs that is so great it completely disrupts the conversation, I will ask the other person if we can delay the discussion until a time when we can have a more meaningful exchange.

If I am engaged in a video conversation, I will look directly at the screen so the other person knows I am fully engaged. I will not fiddle with my phone, laptop or other material and create the impression that I am not fully engaged.

I will not “multi-task” during any conversation—in person, on the phone, on Zoom, etc.

In each of my conversations, I will try to remember the words of Stephen Covey from his book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, to: “Seek first to understand, then be understood.”

I will use good questioning skills. I will not interrogate the other party. I will use my questions to stimulate fresh thoughts or to clarify points which are presented. I will remember that good questioning includes the appropriate use of open-ended questions (“What will you do with this information?”) and closed-ended questions (“Do you have all of the information you need to make your decision?”).

If it is important to the conversation to take notes, I will tell the other person that I plan to do so. While taking notes, I will be careful that I do not reflect inappropriate nonverbals during the note-taking process.

And as always, I will strive to “Think Straight. Talk Straight.” in all my conversations.

I believe if I practice these ideas regularly that I will be a better listener, a better communicator, a better person. I hope you will benefit from them. I think you will see that as you become a better listener to others, they, in turn, will be a better listener to you.

As always, I am interested in your thoughts. Feel free to write to me at

edmaier46@gmail.com. And, if you enjoy my writing, you can read more of it in my book Think Straight, Talk Straight, which you can find on Amazon right here.