How to Be Known for Handling Feedback Well

By Jennifer Eggers, Andersen Alumnus and Founder & President of LeaderShift Insights®

Few things build gravitas faster than keeping your cool and doing the right thing in a moment of visible pressure. And there are few situations with more visible pressure than when a leader receives feedback in front of others. This situation gets elevated quickly when "others" includes the board, or senior leadership team.

Very few people are known for handling this well and those who do are well respected for it. If you want to build gravitas fast, have a plan in your back pocket and be ready with an approach that demonstrates poise, confidence, strategic vulnerability, and openness to hearing a different point of view, even if you absolutely disagree with it. Here are a few ideas to keep in mind as you build your plan:

LeaderShift® 7 Step Feedback Plan:

1. When receiving feedback, freeze your facial expression and do not react other than to nod in understanding. Your job is to listen with curiosity and seek to understand the feedback. Ask clarifying questions, if necessary, but DO NOT REACT positively or negatively.
2. Resist any urges to defend, justify or explain. Just take it in and understand what it is. Breathe. Deeply if you have to. Breathing gets oxygen to the brain that will help you think clearly even if you detest what you are hearing.
3. Thank the person for the feedback and tell them you want to think about it or look into it and that you will get back to them.
4. Resist any temptation to defend your team, the process or to justify or explain why any aspect of the feedback is the way it is.
5. Ask any questions to be sure you understand what the feedback is and how the provider got to their point of view.
6. End the conversation by reiterating that you will investigate it.
7. If appropriate, make a commitment to follow up after the meeting to get more information from the person providing the feedback.

That's it. Stop talking.

THEN take the time you need when you have a cool head to formulate a response. This next part is the second most important: Call a few days later and set up time with the person to discuss.

You are actually going to follow up.

This allows you to deliver on your commitment privately and under less pressure without the audience. This is your opportunity to educate them on your well thought out and non-defensive reaction. Thank them for the feedback and tell them what you will do about it. Explain why some things are the way they are. Ask follow-up questions and brainstorm solutions. In all cases, you will have shifted a potentially damaging high pressure situation to a productive discussion where the other person feels heard and appreciated even if you don’t implement the feedback.

Unless you are in an after-action review, there is no possible good that can come of discussing negative feedback in front of others. It is too easy to get defensive and cause others in the room to take sides. The moment you get defensive, you immediately LOSE gravitas. The irony here is that if you play this situation well, you stand to really impress others with your reaction, no matter how much the feedback stings. People who remain calm under pressure, react appropriately to feedback, and deliver on their commitments nearly always have gravitas.

This approach also works well in any situation where you are likely to react emotionally. Familiarize yourself with the physiological reactions you feel when your buttons are pushed. Do you get cold hands? Red face? Rapid heartbeat? Sweaty? Often we feel things physically before we are conscious of them emotionally. If you learn to recognize these symptoms and pause when you feel them, you will have some lead time to think before you react.

Build a “script” for what to do when you know your emotions have the best of you. Remember, behavior is a derailer, not emotion. If you can stop the behavior, you can get control of the situation. Have a plan. Take a quiet deep breath to get oxygen to your brain, take a drink, go to the bathroom, take notes…whatever will buy you time to think before you react. You might say, “that’s interesting, I’d like to think about it” instead of giving an answer. Find something that works for you and practice it so you can do it without thinking.

Jennifer Eggers is a C-Level advisor and President of LeaderShift Insights, Inc. She works with leaders and organizations going through disruption to improve their capacity to adapt. This is an excerpt from Jennifer’s new book, coming this summer from Best Seller Publishing. The working title is “Mastering The C-Suite Mindset: A playbook for transitioning into the C-Suite”. The book is based on 30 years of patterns observed while working with and coaching C-Suite leaders across 16 countries and over 25% of the Fortune 500.