Happy New Year to all of you! I hope you had a wonderful Christmas and are looking ahead to what you will accomplish in 2026!
As you open the New Year and ponder the goals you set for yourself, why don’t you consider the following as one possible goal? Is there a person from your near or distant past that you knew very well but that you have not seen or heard from in a good amount of time? Have you drifted apart because changes in life, work or social circles no longer include them--perhaps from something as simple as a move to a new location? Could the reason you have not reconnected be that your parting was over a negative or acrimonious reason? If you have experienced a situation like this with someone, why not take the first step to reconnect with them?
If you parted amicably with the one with whom you wish to reconnect, your step can be as simple as sending a text or an email seeking to reconnect.
On the other hand, is the person you think about someone with whom you had a split that was less than friendly? Are you concerned that if you reach out to them, it will be awkward or uncomfortable. But how are you going to know that if you don’t give it a try? Time is a great healer of wounds. And, after all, this suggestion is not about realigning yourself with someone you never respected or liked. It is simply about rekindling a relationship that, for whatever reason, may have soured over the years and caused you to lose contact. If you have not had regular contact with someone over a long period of time, it is a simple first step to send an email or a text that says something like this: “I thought about you recently and wondered how you are doing? I hope you are well. Would you be interested in having a call some time to reconnect? I would certainly enjoy doing that.”
If you think this would be a good idea, but are uncertain how to begin the process, consider these possible re-engagements:
- Is this someone that you worked with and admired, but you have just lost touch over the years? Not all these conversations have to be focused on someone with whom you have had disagreement or dissatisfaction. It might very well be that the passage of time has just distanced you more than you have realized.
- Is the person someone you remember with whom you might have had an unfinished conversation or meeting? One possible opening might be: “I remember the last time we met, we were discussing “this matter of import between us’”. I never followed up to see how it was resolved. Would you care to re-open the conversation, or if not, just reconnect?
- Was there anger between the two of you that caused you to drift apart? How has the passage of time affected that anger? When you reflect on the situation, was the anger even real in the first place? “I remember when we last spoke, we had a pretty strong disagreement on the issue of…”. In retrospect, our relationship means more to me than being clouded by one issue. I would like to re-engage no matter what the outcome of that item was.
And remember, your re-opening message does not need to be a complicated one. It doesn’t even need to relate to the prior connection that was broken. The message doesn’t have to be eloquent or long. And it is okay if the other person doesn’t respond, responds cautiously or is not ready to respond. Your sincere attempt to reconnect is still meaningful, regardless of the outcome.
As we approached the holidays recently, I had a couple of situations arise which provoked me to begin thinking about this. There have been some past friends and colleagues that-for whatever reason—time, distance, change in circumstances, disagreement, frustration at the time—I have not made a connection in many years. They weren’t people I had “split” with in any way. They are just folks with whom I have lost touch. But after such a long period of time, I can assure you that I was just a bit dubious about starting a conversation again. After all, what if, in fact, I had hurt or injured them in some fashion? Has the passage of time altered their perspective about our relationship in such a way that they would not want to reconnect? Would they be at all interested in reconnecting? It turns out that none of my concerns were real. Since recognizing these situations, I have re-opened a dialogue with some that I have not had contact with for a few years. It has been very satisfying and rewarding to do so.
Reconnecting is not hard to do. It is just that sometimes taking the first step to do so is the most challenging. What if they don’t want to reconnect? When you think about it, it is no big deal really. If you didn’t have a connection for a long time and still cannot make a connection, you haven’t lost anything. You are still at breakeven. So, what do you have to lose? The opportunity to have a successful reconnection far outweighs the risk of failure. Go for it!